Mother Mary Comes to Me - Arundhati Roy - ★★★★.½

AUTHOR & NARRATOR: Arundhati Roy

GENRE: Memoir

PUBLICATION DATE: September 2, 2025

RATING: 4.5 stars.

In a Nutshell: A memoir written by one of India’s most eloquent writers. I picked it up for her writing and was rewarded richly with her thoughts and words. Her deeds aren’t always my cup of tea, but I judge memoirs by their content and not by their authors’ life choices. This was an easy winner in that regard. Much recommended.

I am not a big fan of memoirs. I find most of them fake and pretentious and even indulging in humble-bragging. Celebrity memoirs are even worse because they all sound the same (probably because most of them are ghostwritten by the same ghostwriters who went to the same kind of creative writing courses.) I also am not a big fan of the new trend in memoirs wherein dirty family linen is washed in public, sometimes after the death of the “antagonist”. Given all this, I shouldn’t even have picked this book up, forget about reading it. But there was one key differentiating factor to this book that swung my vote in its favour: its author.

Arundhati Roy’s ‘God of Small Things’ is one of my all-time favourite novels. I don’t think any other book brought an Indian state (Kerala in this case) to such authentic life as this book did. It is the only book I consider a deserving Booker winner. (An award I otherwise hate as it always prioritises purple prose over everything else.)

Given Roy’s literary background, I knew this memoir wouldn’t be a ghostwritten work. Given my experience with ‘God of Small Things’, I knew that her pen has the magical skill of creating a visceral picture with her words. And given her tendency of calling a spade a spade, of being brave enough to stand up against those in authority, and of being a strong advocate of human rights even when the humans involved might be controversial, I knew that the book would have plenty of brain fodder to chew upon. 

The only part I was slightly hesitant about was the fact that the central focus of the memoir seemed to be her complicated relationship with her mother. I am somewhat conservative in this regard: I don’t like private battles being made public. This is why I won't read memoirs such as ‘Spare’ by Prince Harry or ‘I’m Glad My Mom Died’ by Jeanette McCurdy, no matter how much acclaim they get. But something told me I could trust Roy to do justice to the topic, and my gut instinct was right.

The title was also a determinant in stirring my interest. ‘Let It Be’, written and sung by Paul McCartney, is among my favourite songs, and the title is taken from its second line. Roy’s mother’s name is Mary, but the coincidental shared name is not the only reason the title makes sense. The author illustrates through various anecdotes how her mother came/comes to her literally and metaphorically.

The book begins and ends with her mother’s death at the age of 89, bringing the memoir a complete circle. In between, Roy elaborates not just on the complex connection she shared with her mother but also her relationships with her other family members, her school and college years, her early work years, her journey towards ‘God of Small Things’, and life beyond her international; success. She uses the technique of foreshadowing quite effectively to keep our interest maintained. Most of her anecdotes are chronological, making this a wonderfully structured memoir. The writing is erudite; the prose, exquisite.

Roy is a fair bit older than me, so I was unaware of her life before ‘God of Small Things’. (I had read it in the years before the internet and social media boom, so there was no online search to look up the author’s credentials.) As such, all the content in this filter-free memoir was quite a revelation to me. I had absolutely no idea that she was already a known name in certain fields before the Booker win. Her childhood and family background isn't from an India I know in time or place, so that was also fascinating to read. She comes from a family of intellectuals (on her maternal side), but their behaviour was not in correspondence with their education. As she spent most of her formative years with them, her personality and life choices were influenced by their behaviour to a great extent.

Further, even her mother was a somewhat reputed figure in their hometown, known for a legal battle fighting for daughters’ rights to parental property as well as for founding a school. Mary Roy’s fierce personality is explored in a nuanced way by her daughter. Neither is there any fingerpointing nor any varnishing of facts. Roy keeps her tone mostly neutral, focussing not on complaining or whining about her lot in life but on the life lessons gained from being her mother’s daughter. The memoir seems like a masterclass in maturity when it comes to talking about toxic parenting. 

Of course, Roy is still quintessentially Indian, so when she talks about how she still felt anxious when her mother was unwell or how she kept contact with her alcoholic father who was clearly using her, we don’t judge her for being weak or duplicitous, but know that she is just “fulfilling her responsibility” to her parents as most people until our generation have been taught to. I don’t know if those outside India will understand this double-edged sword of duty even towards undeserving elders, but we Indians certainly do.

Given the number of decades this book covers and the varied fields Roy has been an active part of, this book isn't just a memoir but a glimpse into actual India. Gender discrimination, classism, religious bigotry, political power-wielding, legal conundrums, geographical variations, cultural differences, corporate greed – Roy covers it all, and without any apprehension about the consequences. What is most admirable is that she doesn’t take sides. She critiques anyone who she thinks is at fault, no matter which political party or religion or family they belong to. And all this without any needless name-dropping. She names only those people who had a direct connection with her (such as her family and close friends), and that too, only when necessary. She also doesn’t shy away from admitting her own mistakes and sharing her regrets.

While I loved her insights on almost every aspect, the chapters connected to ‘God of Small Things’ and the impact it had on her life were closest to my heart. There was much realism to the writing and the characters of ‘God of Small Things’. It’s only on reading this memoir did I realise how much inspiration Roy took from her actual life to create that fascinating world and its denizens. No wonder they felt so powerfully carved! Though I have read GoST four times, my last read was more than two decades ago. Now I feel a strong urge to revisit its beautiful pages. Who knows… I just might dig out my old paperback soon!

🎧 The Audiobook Experience:

The audiobook, clocking at 11 hrs 29 minutes, is read by the author herself. While I am not usually a fan of authors narrating their own works, I had no apprehension when I saw Roy’s name in the narrator column. She is an articulate speaker and hence the perfect choice of narrator. Moreover, the book contains several phrases in Malayalam and Hindi, so listening to these rendered fluently adds to the experience. (Every non-English line comes with an immediate translation, so no worries about comprehension.)

Overall, this was one rare occasion when a memoir not only entered my TBR but also surpassed every single expectation I had from it. This book delivers on the parameters of engaging content, truthful admissions, intricate family drama, lyrical writing, structured organisation, historical and political milestones, and most of all, on the tricky thread connecting a mother and a daughter.

Much recommended to anyone looking for a truthful memoir that speaks at both a personal and a societal level.

Disclaimer: I rate memoirs just like I rate every other book: on writing quality. The actions and beliefs of the author have no role to play in my rating.