How We Learn to Be Brave: Decisive Moments in Life and Faith - Mariann Edgar Budde - ★★★★

AUTHOR: Mariann Edgar Budde

GENRE: Inspirational Nonfiction

PUBLICATION DATE: May 23, 2023

RATING: 4 stars.

In a Nutshell: I read this more for the author than for the book itself as I am not so fond of this genre. But no regrets at all. This book offers several inspiring anecdotes and life lessons, and also insights on what counts as bravery. January 2025 has already established that this lady is courageous and inspiring. The content of this book shows that she has been walking the talk for much longer than most of us knew.

I hadn’t heard of Bishop Mariann Budde until 21st January 2025, when she spoke the bravest words to the toughest audience in the most graceful manner. Her impassioned appeal for mercy towards everyone gave me goosebumps. I don’t remember the last time I have been so in awe of a leader, and more importantly, the last time a Christian leader actually made me feel proud of their approach towards the tenets of the faith. To see a Bishop of a large diocese embody inclusivity when supposed “Christians” were doing exactly the opposite was heartwarming. That’s the day I decided to put a pause on my “No Self-help/Inspirational Books” policy and add this book to my stack.

I am not the right reader for this book in terms of its genre. I don’t read spiritual and/or inspirational nonfiction. I know many people who swear by the effectiveness of this genre, but it is not my cup of tea – the “inspiration” just bounces off my head and make no impact whatsoever. In terms of religious background, I somewhat fit the target audience. I am a practising Roman Catholic; Bishop Budde is an Episcopalian. Different denominations, same religious umbrella. However, the book, while having some Christian content (which is to be expected), aims at everyone who seeks more wisdom about being brave during the decisive moments of life.

Bishop Budde begins with a mention of the incident that resulted in this book. To my surprise, the key player in this event was also he-who-shall-not-be-named. The incident related to his scandalous action outside St. John’s Church, Washington DC after the Capitol protests. (Bishop Budde obviously didn't know at the time of writing this 2023-published book that even greater fame awaited her in 2025, thanks to the same person. Life does come a full circle at times.)

The book goes on to detail various type of decisions that involve bravery. Unlike what you might assume, these do not always include a call to action, nor do they necessarily involve grandiose changes. Bishop Budde emphasises that sometimes, staying put is also bravery, while at the same time, clarifying that staying put doesn't mean staying the same. There can be tiny decisions of bravery on a daily basis, which are no less important that a life-changing decision.

She constantly quotes from scriptures and also includes several anecdotes from wise and well-loved leaders of various backgrounds. To my pleasant surprise, Bishop Budde even alludes to popular fiction such as Harry Potter (which a few Catholics shun as advocating witchcraft 🙄) and Lord of the Rings. She also includes examples from her own life where a crucial decision needed to be taken. To her credit, she doesn’t mention only successful decisions but also the ones she came to regret later. The overall content thus provides us well-rounded learning and insights.

I am apprehensive about religious nonfiction books as they tend to be conservative in certain matters. So I was awed to see how inclusive the Episcopal church is, being open to all regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. God’s principle of “unconditional love” is put into action by such believers! (Pope Francis – Long may he live! – has taken some steps in the right direction, but the Roman Catholic Church still has a long way to go before it can claim to be following Jesus’ Golden Rule.)

Though this book often includes references to faith and scripture, it never gets preachy, never looks down on other religions or on people of different races or any minorities. I almost clapped when I read the line: “White Christianity, in both its historical and present contexts, is an anathema to the message of Jesus.”

In every chapter, she makes clear the exact meaning of a ‘decisive moment’, and how we can handle it in various ways of bravery. Her parting example – of finding blessings everywhere when you have faith – will stay with me for life.

Choosing love as a response is so much tougher than choosing hate. Unfortunately, there are more hatemongers than love-spreaders in the world today. Bishop Budde, through her calm yet ardent appeal on 21st January 2025, proved that decibels don’t make a leader. Not once did she yell in her sermon, and yet her voice and her message resonated across the world. This is what a leader should be – courageous, humble, wise, and inspiring. Something many leaders (political and religious) around the world are yet to understand.

In my mother tongue (Konkani), there’s a proverb: “Paadri kedalae dusryank sharmaon deeta”, meaning “A priest always preaches to others.” Bishop Budde proves that there are some religious who practise what they preach. I am so thankful that people like her are a part of the church. To twist a line from Leigh Hunt’s Abou Ben Adhem, “may their tribe increase.”

Had I enjoyed reading inspirational books, this would have been an easy 5 star for me. Sadly, I don’t. However, the fact that I could complete this work without once thinking of DNFing it speaks volumes of its content. (Prior to this, I have completed only one self-help book willingly in the last two decades. 🤐)

Much recommended to anyone who enjoys inspirational nonfiction or Christian nonfiction, and to those who want to know more about the brave prelate who refused to “apologize for a request for mercy.”

A couple of quotes I want to remember in future:

🎯 Refrain from the culture of critique. It takes no energy or creativity to point out what's wrong, but for everything you criticise, offer at least one suggestion to make it better.

🎯 When we decide to start toward something that requires courage, we are often creating new possibilities for those who come after us.