Somebody I Used to Know - Wendy Mitchell - ★★★★.¼

AUTHOR: Wendy Mitchell

GENRE: Memoir

PUBLICATION DATE: June 5, 2018

RATING: 4.25 stars.

In a Nutshell: The memoir of a woman who unexpectedly became the face of young-onset Alzheimer’s in the UK. Ghost-written with the help of a journalist, this book covers her diagnosis, reaction, coping strategies, everyday experiences, and her plans for the future.. The writing is filled with pain and frustration as well as hope. Much recommended. Do note that it might be triggering for Alzheimer’s patients and also caregivers.

A reading challenge I am participating in needed a book penned by a ghost-writer. I was very clear that I didn’t want to opt for any celebrity memoir, most of which are sanitised fake versions of their lives. Nor did I want to try fictional novels that straddled the line between pseudonymous and ghost-written. (The Nancy Drew series, for instance.) Google led me to Wendy Mitchell’s memoir. One look at this book’s blurb, and I knew I finally found the right option for the prompt. (The fact that the title reminded me of one of my absolute favourite songs – Gotye’s "Somebody That I Used to Know"  was the icing on the cake.)

This book is written in Wendy’s first-person perspective, beginning from her diagnosis in 2013 when she was just 56, till about 2017-18. You might wonder how a woman with dementia could pen an entire book when she couldn’t even read a novel without forgetting the earlier chapters. That’s where journalist Anna Wharton comes in. When Anna saw a video Wendy had made about her routine as someone living with dementia, she knew that she wanted to pen a book looking at the world through Wendy’s eyes. She approached Wendy with this concept of a personal memoir, and the rest Is history. You can read more about their interactions here: https://granta.com/how-do-you-write-a-memoir-when-you-cant-remember/

Wendy had always been an organised person, active physically as well as mentally. A single mother to two adult daughters and a non-clinical team leader in the British NHS, she never expected that her life would be altered so abruptly, and that too, with a disease that is supposed to affect only older people.

I won't tell you more about Wendy as I want you to get her story, her tactics to cope with Alzheimer's, and her tips on how to interact with someone living with dementia, in her own words. Is dementia the end? You will learn the answer through Wendy. I'll only focus on my feelings while reading this courageous yet heartbreaking memoir.

While I experienced a variety of emotions on this journey through Wendy’s post-diagnosis life, the dominant emotion was one of fear. The idea that dementia can happen to any one and any time is not unknown, but we never imagine its happening to us. Seeing such a high-functional achiever being forced to accept a diametrically opposite mode of living was enough to create chills in my heart. (Plus, the fact that she, an avid reader, couldn’t read novels any more as she kept forgetting the plot. The sheer horror of this! 😢) I'll never forget her bookshelf-memory analogy.

In between Wendy’s “present narrative”, there are some sections written in second person and addressed to her past self. I found these overwhelming, but I cannot deny that these chapters elevated the overall reading experience. As she talks to her younger self, she offers insights into her earlier years, revealing to us a capable and independent woman who didn’t allow her single-parent status to affect her daughters’ upbringing as well as her career.

The writing gets a bit repetitive at times, especially in the second half, but considering the person it is focussed on and how repetitious her own day-to-day life must have been after a point, it's easy to understand and forgive this.

This book was published in the year 2018. I googled to see how Wendy was doing now and discovered that she passed away in Feb 2024 – ten years after her first diagnosis of young-onset dementia. What caught my eye was how she passed away. I'm still processing my feelings on the situation, but either way, I am happy for her that she went the way she wanted to.

Overall, this is a very poignant read that won’t leave the reader unaffected. It is bleak at times, but there is also a strong thread of hope and courage. Basically, it is not a story of self-pity but of positive and constructive action. It challenges our notions of dementia and Alzheimer's, and also provides some helpful content on dealing with those who have this debilitating disease.

I found this a tough book to read during this blessed time of Advent, as its heart-breaking – and at times, fear-inducing – content didn't exactly go with the joyfulness of the season. But true believers know that Advent isn't about partying but about reflection, about hope, about faith. Wendy's story reminds us to be grateful for what we have, because we never know when fate can turn against us. Whatever happens, hope helps.

Definitely recommended. To anyone interested in knowing what dementia feels like from the patient’s eyes, this book will prove a valuable resource. Do note that the book might be triggering to sufferers or caregivers of dementia.

You might also be interested in checking out Wendy’s blog, which she started a year after her diagnosis to remember the tinier details of her life before she forgot them entirely: https://whichmeamitoday.wordpress.com/