Self-Portrait with Nothing - Aimee Pokwatka

Author: Aimee Pokwatka

Genre: Speculative Literary Fiction.

Rating: 3.5 stars, rounding up for the audio version.

In a Nutshell: Could have been brilliant but ends up as average. Innovative concept. But the execution transcends multiple genres and creates a mishmash of experiences. The choppy pacing doesn’t help. Debut work, so I will cut it some slack.

Story Synopsis:

Thirty-six year old Pepper Rafferty lives a happy average life. Abandoned as a baby, she was raised by the lesbian doctor couple who found her on their veterinary hospital’s doorstep. Pepper is married to Ike, an ordinary, easy-going man with excessive interest in historical journals. Pepper herself is a forensic anthropologist and loves her job.

There’s one thing about Pepper that no one knows: when she was fifteen, she discovered the identity of her biological mother, who was none other than Ula Frost, a notoriously reclusive painter famous for her paintings that supposedly summoned the subject’s doppelgangers to this world from an alternate universe.

Now Ula Frost is missing, presumed dead. Pepper suddenly finds herself at the centre of attention of various parties, good and bad—all of whom want to crack the secret behind Ula Frost, not realising that she is a secret to Pepper too.

Where the book worked for me:

✔ The concept is truly unusual. While multiverses and doppelgangers have been a part of various fictional works, using art as a medium to access these rather than the more typical technological entryways was a novelty.

✔ Pepper and Ike make for an interesting couple. Neither overly lovey-dovey nor totally indifferent, their relationship comes across as quite relatable. Their connection is more based on the mind than on the body, and this shows in their repartee and their strong connection with each other even through non-verbal communication. While some of their arguments were too trivial and hence avoidable (which is what happens between couples in real life too), I still liked how they were portrayed so realistically.

✔ There are some interesting secondary characters, the best being Pepper’s lesbian moms Lydia and Annie.

✔ The title is perfect for the story, though I can’t reveal its relevance now as it will be a spoiler. (The cover is brilliant too!)

✔ The story makes good use of its locations. I especially enjoyed the parts set in Poland.

Where the book could have worked better for me:

❌ The pacing isn’t consistent. It was too slow during the initial three quarters and too rushed in the final quarter.

❌ The story covers various genres: magical realism, drama, family, literary fiction, speculative fiction, mystery and thriller. Unfortunately, these aren’t blended well and the plot goes hopping from one to another, creating a choppy feeling as you go along. The initial sections are more dramatic while the finale is like an action thriller. As a character-driven story, the book hinges entirely on the actions of its characters, which may not work well for plot-driven content lovers.

❌ While the plot vaguely reminded me of Blake Crouch’s ‘Dark Matter’, it left a lot untouched. There could have been so much more explored with respect to the alternate universes, but the story sets itself very firmly in our world. The whats and whys of the multiversal technicalities remain unexplained.

❌ It overdoes the reference to alternate universes while Pepper is musing. Especially in the first half, after every few lines, we hear “in another universe,…[assumption about what would/could have been]…” These multiversal what-if ramblings get too repetitive and boring soon.

❌ The ending feels somewhat anticlimactic. So many things are left unsaid. There’s no closure.

The audiobook experience:

The audiobook, clocking at a little more than 11 hours, is narrated by Jesse Vilinsky. She is simply brilliant! There are plenty of characters to keep track of in this story, but thanks to her narration, not once did I falter on the identity of anyone. The only issue is that there are plenty of text messages between Pepper and Ike, which becomes slightly confusing in the audio version as they appear in between another conversation or scene. If you think this isn’t a big issue, then audio is definitely the way to go for this mixed-paced story.

All in all, this isn’t a bad story, but it is also not as mind-blowing as it could have been by virtue of that brilliant concept. It is a strange book, but then again, it is speculative fiction – there’s no fun in this genre without a shade of bizarreness to the content.

This debut author certainly shows promise, and with a bit of editorial fine-tuning, her future works are sure to be more impactful. I’ll definitely keep her on my radar. I don’t know how I would have felt if I were reading this due to the varying pace and genres, but the audiobook certainly helped a lot.

My thanks to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for the ALC of “Self-Portrait with Nothing”. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the audiobook.